Autobiographical Character Sketch

This was submitted to a certain film school that rejected me:

Tidbits of faces, places, conversations and moments that unceasingly fill my head.

On traveling verses shopping-
You should come, too. Instead of buying two,three Michael Kors bags.
Michael Kors is only three hundered dollars.
Only three hundred dollars?!
Yeah...CJ and I talked about it and we have psychological issues.
So two people with psychological issues got together and came to that conclusion?
It’s either that, or we’re superficial people with vanity issues.
So you’d rather be mental than be superficial?
Yeah.
Jamie?
Yeah?
We’re more similar than I ever thought.

On best friends who drunk-dial you daily from Tokyo-
Laughing is like crying, I don’t cry, I laugh. You, Addie, are a diver. I don’t like diving. I like breath strokes. I try diving but I see myself doing breath strokes again.

Matt on one of the greatest singers of our time-
Andrea Bernanni or something, HE’S BLIND! Before I was like, why does the dude look like he is always sleepy??

On Sun’s chipmunk cheeks that are about to burst-
Her eyes are brimming with tears but a stupendous smile engulfs her entire face. Have you ever felt so lucky you feel like you’re going to burst?

Hae-kyeong on laptops from IBM, the IBM T40 versus the IBM T30. It’s like this. You have a BMW. I have a Sonata. Jee on “smoke” rising from New York City streets. Yeah, New York is so dirty. No wonder they staged Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles coming out of the sewers here in the eighties. Harvard Law school student and dear friend Kerry on the topic of “despair, failure and loss of faith.” My biggest tragedy is that I’ve never experienced a tragedy. Jason on the topic of his squinting Asian eyes. If my eyes were any bigger I’d feel exposed. Boyoung on the topic of our own people. I think people should be free and not oppressed. If you’re oppressed you turn out like…Koreans. Cece brutally honest again. When you look at them they’re so ugly but they’re so happy. It’s cute. It makes you think about a lot. Like, why am I so unhappy? Timmy’s support on my choice of life. Don’t worry, Addie. Ten years down the road if you turn out to be a poor writer living on cereal every day, you’ll have rich and powerful friends like me to back you up.

But Gustave Lebon, French Sociologist, nailed the dilemma: To respect tradition is a condition of existence for people; to know how to disengage from it, a condition of progress.

And in the library five-year old curly-haired Tizian Frohn is hugging his Magic School Bus books to his chest and exclaiming these are my books forever and ever and ever!

I don’t want to be anybody else, I just want to be the best version of myself. Are you still swinging at the biggest piñata in the world?

Music from Asia

First video (old school):
Seotaeji /SUH-TAE-JEE/ & Boys - The most famous Korean pop group that ever walked the peninsula. A living legend. They released this song right before the group broke up in 1996. They changed the landscape of gayo (K-pop) forever.

Second Video (old school):
Eco - A popular all-girls group from the mid-nineties. They had a couple of hits then disappeared off the face of the earth. But this particular song lives on in Korean kereoke (this word is japanese, the korean word is 'No-Rae Bang' i.e. NRB) lovers. It's one of those songs that everybody knows and loves but not many people remember who sang it. This is the one I always sing when I hit the NRB.

Third Video (new):
Jay Chou - The "Seotaeji" of Taiwan. He took a quarter of the world by storm when he debuted with his first album in 2000. He is an amazingly gifted singer/song-writer. All of China, and a large portion of Asia, is obsessed with him. He is still very active. This is one of my favorite music videos of all time. It's a work of art. Jet Li is in it, if you're interested. My favorite part is at 3 minutes 10 seconds when the break-dancing and Jet Li's fighting is intercut with each other.

Fourth Video(relatively new):
M-Flo - I'm just throwing this one in. It's a Japanese group. I had a friend who listened to M-Flo all the time and got me interested for awhile. Another good friend of mine, was actually friends with "Melody" and would hang out with her in Seoul/Tokyo.

Midnight Snack

The can of chili can was marked "HOT" in capital letters. Spicy American chil? 'Big deal,' I thought to myself. Koreans dip green pepper in red pepper paste as snack food. Eating spicy food is a sport in Korea. When I was a kid, my mother filled a bowl with water and washed half the Korean food that was put on the dinner table for me. The water diluted the spicy red pepper sauce/paste/powder on the food. I remember the specks of red pepper powder floating around in the bowl of water that grew darker shades of red as the meal went on. All Korean kids went through years of training to eat spicy food. As an adult, almost nothing would come across as "spicy" unless you were directly squirting Tabasco sauce onto your tongue. I looked at the label on the can, again. 'Seriously, whatever.' I dumped the entire can of chili onto the sauce pan and stirred.

Half an hour later, I am wiping tears from my eyes. My nose is runny, too. I am currently pacifying my tongue and stomach with a cold glass of milk.

While I was eating the bowl of chili and my eyes watered up, a couple of things crossed my mind. The first was that if it's hot for Koreans then they should have a warning sign on the product - "Spicy even for Koreans." In fact, I think that should be the official name for the highest level of spiciness that people refer to on the "spicy scale" if there is such a thing.

Koreans have an entirely seperate word for spicy, hot, food that makes your eyes and nose water. It's pronounced (roughly) mep-dah. It means that the food is so hot (not in temperature but in taste) that it stings. Koreans think that meh-woon (a verbal variation of the noun above) food chases away the heat. So we eat a ton of meh-woon food in the summer. In fact, Korean people actually say, "It's so refreshing and cool," when they eat anything that is especially spicy.

As I chewed on the last bit of my chilly, I wiped the tears from my eyes, and continued with my mulling. Wait a minute. How COOL would it be to write a scene in the future (this is the writer in me kicking in) where the main character is eating food that is so spicy she/he is crying and then while she/he is wiping tears from her/his eyes and eating the chili, her/his friend (significant other, family member or friend - it can be anybody) steps into the room. They start talking. It starts out as a normal conversation but then ends up with the other person leaving the room (out of frusturation or anger) and the person eating the chili pushes the bowl of chili away and start crying vehemently. This time because he/she is upset.

I think that would be cool. Both ideas. I guess I have power over the second idea but not over the first one.

*Reading this post over, it doesn't even make any sense. I can't follow my own logic.

Church Approves Fishnet Stockings

I have just been told that a picture of me in fishnet stockings, a short black skirt, and black leather boots is going to be published in a church magazine.

So I attend this church called Mosaic. Mosaic doesn't believe that church is a building so we have services all over LA in different venues. One of these places include a nightclub in downtown LA. I go to that one. But just because Mosaic holds church services at a nightclub doesn't mean people show up looking like they're going clubbing. This is why I was surprised just now, when I received an email from their graphic designer telling me that they will publish a picture of me in fishnet stockings in one of their publications.

A random poem I wrote was chosen to be published in a magazine that's put out yearly by Mosaic. Everybody who is being published in this year's issue had to have their picture taken. I didn't want a picture of me next to my writing piece (it's awkward!) and I was busy, so I missed their photo shoot. They tracked me down and told me to send over pictures via email. Generally, I'm not even a picture person. So it was difficult to find high resolution pictures of just myself. I went through a plethora of digital files and found some pictures that might work. Among them was a full length picture of me in the fishnet stocking outfit. I was about to go clubbing in Hollywood when my roommate shot the picture of me. I sent over six files including that one to the magazine graphic designer. Then I added a note saying that I knew the fishnet picture might not work but she could just crop my face from it.

She wrote back within ten minutes and said that the "party outfit would work best" because it was the only high-resolution, full-body picture.

Uhh...I'm still relatively new to this church, and I don't want to be known, in the Mosaic community, as the girl with the fishnet stockings and leather boots without any given context. And I just remembered something else. The second line in the poem contains the word "naked." Whatever, they can handle it. So I guess this is how I make my debut at Mosaic.

Santa Monica & Malibu

My sister's told me a number of times to invest in a camera. We had a camera back in Korea, but she got first dibs on it. I haven't gotten around to purchasing a camera yet, but in the meantime, the blackberry picture folder on my hard-drive is getting really fat.

* A Santa Monica Sunset on my Blackberry: April 11th, 2009


















* A Malibu Sunset on my Blackberry: February 14th, 2009






* My day reminded me of the lyrics to Savage Garden's "Santa Monica":

In Santa Monica in the winter time
The lazy streets so undemanding
I walk into the crowd

Beauty so unavoidable
Everywhere you turn its there
I sit and wonder what am I doing here

But on the telephone line
I am anyone, I am anything, I want to be
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldnt know the difference
Or would you

In Santa Monica on the boulevard
You'll have to dodge those in-line skaters
Or theyll knock you down

I never felt so lonely
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this



ps) In Santa Monica, you can see the sun setting behind the mountains. In Malibu, you can see it directly dip into the ocean.

MPG

A friend and I somehow ended up talking about Mark Paul Gosselaar today. At first, I was in denial that I too, had joined the band wagon and had a crush on Mark Paul Gosselaar back in the day. But then we looked up pictures of him and I admitted, "Who am I kidding. Yes, I had a crush on Mark Paul Gosselaar...like every other girl in America." Having said this, he is a million times better than Jack Zefron, or Zack Jefron or whatever. We grew up with the better stuff. Then we Googled his current age and found out that he was only thirty-four years old!

So he was fourteen and not twenty-four, when he started to play Zack Morris in Saved By the Bell ?? And then my friend said, "Yeah, back then, shows with high school kids actually starred high school kids."

And I thought about it and it was true. We can't do that anymore, can we? Shows with high school kids have too much rated R stuff in it for kids to be starring in them. We would have to cast the twenty-five year olds as fifteen year olds.

Mark Paul turned out alright, too. I hearted him when he appeared on NYPD Blue. Sigh. Oh, and married to the same women for twelve years? In Hollywood? Bravo. He has two kids and they both have normal names like Michael instead of names like Maddox.

Bananas

So I've heard other Asian-Americans tell me that I'm a "banana" or "white-washed". Along those lines, people have also asked me if I grew up in Connecticut or New York. (Places where there aren't a lot of Asians.) Whatever. It doesn't matter. My point is, I'm sure my readers are well-acquainted with the terms "banana" or "oreo." Well, here is a twist to that.

Jennifer Wilkins was my American co-worker at the International School I worked for in Seoul, Korea. Her parents were missionaries and she had lived in Japan and had gone to a Japanese school. She had attended high school and college in the U.S. but had returned to Asia because she felt more comfortable there. When she was sitting on the floor, she always kneeled with her feet tucked under her bottom. She could sit like this for hours. She said it was from her days in Japan and that it was only natural for her to sit like that. Jennifer taught me a new word when she said to me, "I'm an egg."

Hair Model

I can forgo many things but I cannot skimp out on haircuts, skin care products and toilet paper (Charmin, anyone?)

So several months ago I was picking up base, make-up remover, and moisturizer at a department store, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I thought it was a saleslady trying to sell me a product. I wasn't going to buy anything besides the three things I came to get. I whooped around to face a blonde lady in her late-thirties/early-forties.

"Excuse me, but I had to comment."

I raised my eyebrows. What was this lady going to tell me?

"You have the best layered haircut I've seen on anyone."

"Oh, thank you. It's very nice of you to say that."

"I really mean it. Did you get your hair done around here?"

This launched us into a conversation about hair and hair stylists. I told the lady that I had just moved from Asia and had been introduced to an awesome hair stylist here in Los Angeles. The lady told me she was visiting from New York. She asked me if I could let her in on the name of the stylist. It wasn't top secret information or anything. I gave her the name of the stylist, Jerome, and the name of the salon he was with.

"Thank-you very much," the lady said. "People are so private about these things. You've been quite helpful."

I forgot about the lady. I also forgot about Jerome for awhile. Back in Korea, my hair-designer, Young, had been a good friend for over 5 years. I had the color of my hair, the length, and the style changed every six weeks. It was pure joy. Here, in California, I decided to grow out my hair again because it would be more cost-efficient. I did the math and decided I could afford to go to the salon every four to five months. When it grew out, I could go every six months.

This morning I went to the salon to get my hair cut. It was getting messy and I couldn't stand it anymore. I made the appointment a week in advance and as Monday approached, I could find my footsteps getting lighter. By the time I walked into the salon at 11:30 am this morning, I had a huge smile slapped onto my face. After I sat down on the chair, Jerome asked me how the last haircut went.

"Fantastic. I loved it. In fact, a lady visiting from New York, stopped me one day and told me that it was the best haircut she'd ever seen."

"Oh!" Jerome said in his french accent, "she dropped by."

"What?"

"The same lady. She came looking for me. In early December? She told me that she met a girl who had just moved from Asia who had a fabulous haircut. I remembered you, because I don't have many customers who just moved from Asia."

"That's great. I can't believe she actually came. She actually came?"

"Yes, she wanted me to layer her hair like yours," he paused. "You are a good hair model."

Jerome's comment made me secretly smile - which is the best kind of smile. He's not a people pleaser, and he has high aesthetic standards. Ah, my French hair stylist called me a good hair model. It's shallow but I savored the compliment. I'm still savoring it. I'm a good hair model. Lalalala ~

Addie's Quotebook

I've written things in the dark - more than once I have frantically sifted through my purse in a dark theater, hoping that the specific line won't slip through my fingers until I located my quotebook and pen. When I finally pull out the pen from my purse and open my quotebook to a blank page, I would jot down the lines without even looking at the paper. As long as it was legible and documented, I was happy.

So I've had my quotebook for about five years now. I'm going through my sixth quotebook. I started the quotebook when it became unbearable for me to let inspirational words, sentences just disappear into thin air and be forgotten. The best dialogue from real life situations are original, juicy, tangible tid-bits that burst with energy. They cannot be duplicated.

The first quote I ever wrote down was one from a film that I didn't like very much. I was surprised the other day, when I came across it, because the quote was entirely in line with a desire I've had that I had never verbalized or even recognized.

Here are a list of the first quotes in each of the six quotebooks I've accumulated:

"Caught between two worlds but perfectly happy." - Nicole Kidman, starring in Bewitched

"I'm a 6-year-old with an 8-year-old brain." - Quinn DeVita, 1st-grade student

"We have built-in-gaydars; boobs."* - Andrea Moreno, a friend I met at a workshop in Iowa

"The psychologial background is different. Driven people are damaged people who are looking for answers." - Nadia Chou, my sister

"I'm always constipated. It's so uncomfortable. And I'm telling you this because I feel comfortable about our poop relation." - Sarah Jo, a good friend

"You have words in your head and you want to see how they look on paper." - Marilynne Robinson, on being a writer

I have to be honest. This past year, I've been extremely lazy. The quotebook is becoming a hodge-podge of other things. Instead, I have a manila envelope sitting on my desk full of post-its, napkins and tattered pieces of paper. I've jotted down quotes on these. I've sworn to myself a million times that one of these days I'll sit at a Starbucks and go through the envelope and "quotify" my quote book again. I haven't yet, but I will.

(*This quote was a result of a question I asked Andrea regarding a cute guy that worked at the ice-cream parlor.
Me: Do you think that guy from Whitey's is gay?
Andrea: (Decisively) No.
Me: How do you know for sure?
Andrea: Because girls have built in radars. I'll take off my glasses and show you what I mean by that.)